Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We need to get me chipped asap
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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