yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Found your dick twin last night
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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