plz talk dirty to me
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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