Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
