I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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