im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
