this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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