I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
