Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
