Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
