"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
