Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
