I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
