On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
