Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
