You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
