Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
