And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
