id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
