The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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