The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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