Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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