I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
