i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
