That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I love you. Go after that dick
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
