So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
