that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Threesome in a minivan. New low
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
