Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
