and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
