Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
