guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My ass is underappreciated
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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