Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
