I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
