While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
