perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
