Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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