remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
