I'm lost and stupid without you.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
