I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
