oh god the rape fog is back!
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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