Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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