if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
