I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
