Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
