I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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