Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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