soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
