He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
