Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
