He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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