Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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