Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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