i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
