i think my tv is drunk
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
