The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
