Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
