so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
did you just send me my own nude
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
