So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
