i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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